The Thing
by AmazingGrace36
Summary: Complete! After a trip to Little Whinging to satisfy his curiosity, Severus returned to Hogwarts sporting a present from the Boy-Who-Lived… drool and bogies. And Potter, only sixteen-months-old, had already earned himself a detention.


**The Thing**

**Rating: **K  
**Warings: **none  
**Pairings: **none  
**Summary: **After a trip to Little Whinging to satisfy his curiosity, Severus returned to Hogwarts sporting a present from the Boy-Who-Lived… drool and bogies. And Potter, only sixteen-months-old, had already earned himself a detention.

In response to the Tug challenge by lilette.

Thank you to Ilia for beta'ing!

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When Severus had made the decision to check up on the Boy-Who-Lived out of pure curiosity, he had purposefully gone void of the Disillusionment charm. It was in his mind that if he stalked the streets, robes billowing dramatically, and used his appearance to frighten a muggle or two (all the better if it were Petunia), it might put him in a rather better mood than the one his students had previously put him in.

So, after Apparating to an alley not far from Privet Drive, he began the menacing stride that made so many students whisper about bats and vampires. It was a little known fact that Severus was indeed _not_ a bat, nor a vampire, and it had taken him weeks of practicing in his chambers to get the effect just right.

Severus considered himself lucky. Three muggles caught a glimpse of him this cold, November evening. Each was satisfyingly alarmed at the strange man striding down their street. One even ran inside her house and locked the dead bolt. Thus, Severus was in a rather pleasant – if the Potions Monster could _ever _be considered pleasant – mood by the time he reached Number Four, Privet Drive.

A horrible sound reached Severus' ears as he paused beside the neatly trimmed hedges in front of the house. For a moment, he wondered if an animal was dying nearby.

Then he caught sight of the source of the noise and would have doubled over with laughter had it not been for his dignity standing in the way.

Inside a prim living room sat a hideous creature. Severus was certain it was a baby, though the species couldn't be determined without further information. It was dressed in a blue- and white-striped jumpsuit and was bright pink although it was wailing so hard its face was gaining a bit of a purple tinge.

A woman hurried into view, murmuring and cooing to the creature. The adoring expression on her face was one Severus had never seen before, as she had always graced him with a look of pure disgust. Nonetheless, he immediately recognized her as Petunia.

A small laugh cut through the revolting coos of "my little Duddydums" that were making him feel as though he would vomit.

The laugh, and those that followed, came from a small boy in a navy jumper that was much too large for him. He was crawling across the grassy lawn, intent on catching a dead leaf ensnared in the cool breeze.

_Potter_, Severus thought disdainfully, glaring down at the oblivious boy.

The wailing finally stopped, and Severus turned to watch Petunia and the disgusting creature once more. As he observed Petunia, he found he longed to drop a branch on her head as he had done in his pre-Hogwarts days.

"That's right, Ickle Dudleykins. Mummy will buy you another toy when we go to the store tomorrow," Petunia murmured in a baby voice as she attempted to calm the creature further. "And Mummy will take you to the park and buy you ice cream, because you're Mummy's good little boy. Yes, you are."

With a roll of his eyes, Severus turned to leave, feeling as though he really might vomit if he stayed much longer. As he began his menacing trek to the safe Apparition point, he wondered when it had suddenly become so difficult to walk properly. Then he came to a horrifying realization… his robes weren't billowing behind him.

When he turned to look behind him, it was only to discover Potter was sitting on the edge of his robes, runny nose and all.

He gave a little sniffle and rubbed Severus' robes against his nose.

It was then that Severus nearly started shrieking "Get it off! Get it off!" in a rather girly voice. However, years of self control composed him enough to attempt to get rid of the thing in a more dignified manner.

"Get off, you little brat," Severus muttered, shaking his robes in an effort to dislodge Potter.

He responded with a squeal of delight and a bout of giggling.

Severus snarled. The thing was _giggling_ at him. This called for drastic measures.

Loath as he did the idea of touching the boy, Severus reached down and grabbed the brat under his armpits. He deposited him only a foot from his robes, not wanting to be in contact with him one second longer than need be.

Severus took a step forward, intent on stalking his way down the street and as far away from this place as he could get for the next ten years. However, Potterhad other plans. Severus didn't even get a chance to take the second step before the weight appeared on his robes again, nearly choking him.

"Do. You. Mind?" Severus hissed, turning to glare at the brat again.

Potter was sitting on the edge of his robes once more, sucking on the corner of it, and smiling happily up at Severus.

Severus gave his robe a sharp tug, and Potter tumbled off onto the grass.

"I hope you realize I will _not_ tolerate this sort of behavior in my classroom," Severus said matter-of-factly.

With that, he hurried away, too worried about ending up with the thing back on his robes to resume his trademark gait.

He Apparated back to Hogwarts and strode toward his dungeons, dreaming of the day he would be able to put Potter in detention for drooling on his robes.

"Severus," Minerva acknowledged as he stalked through the Entrance Hall. Then there was a chuckle and, "Severus? Is that a _bogey _on your robes?"

Yes… Potter would get a detention for this the moment he stepped foot in Hogwarts.

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